To catch the eye of a killer

In My Feelings:

To catch the eye of a killer..

I've always known that Monsters do exist. There are many people that I knew back then as a child, and even know as an adult, that have a hard time believing in monsters. But I do, and I know that they eat, breathe, and sleep just as I do, day in and day out. Some work, some don't, some are males and some are females. Some have kids, some don't. But at the end of the day, the fact remains that they are here and exists among us daily.

It has been my mission to come face to face, or catch the eye of a particular Monster/Killer and I did just that today. But at no point and time did this Monster scare me, he basically just disgusted me as I knew he would. To watch this evil boogie man sit a few feet in front of me and act so smug and unmoved or bothered by his evil acts and deeds, that has caused so much pain, was not only disheartening, but unbelievable. This monster did not look the part, thus lending to the fact that looks can be very deceiving. Though I tried to keep a steady gaze at all participating parties in the courtroom, I found that my gaze would wonder right back to the monster, and if looks could kill he was already casket sharp.

A part of me wanted to see nervousness, anxiety, or any semblance of guilt, sadness, shame, or even a wishful tear to show that he was human or has some type of emotions, but "notta". He just sat there like "can we get this over with already". A part of me wanted to ask him if he really understood what he has done, and the hurt he has caused so many, but of course, I couldn't. A part of me wanted to tell him only a third of the family's emotions that I witnessed first hand. A part of me wanted to shake him and say "don't you get it, don't you even care" and yet another part of me wanted to say "WHAT THE F' WERE YOU THINKING". The psychologist in me wanted to know what made him do such a thing, what was his childhood like, and how could he mentally go through with trying to cover up such a heinous crime...So as one can imagine, there were several parts of me at work today.

But the drive home after court, after seeing crime scene photos again, and actually matching the ungodly work to a real face, provided me a moment to reflect. It put what I've always known to be true, into perspective. Monsters do exist, they are real, and they lurk among us without a care in this world other than selfish gratification. I am a firm believer that there is a special place for Monsters, and walking among us is not it, but who am I to judge... The Lord didn't give me a Heaven or Hell to put people in or the right to judge, nor did He give me the kind of heart that disregards human life that he created and gave freedom of choice to. But if HE would have and if I could put aside my conscience.. boy look-a-here... There would be one less Monster walking among us and one more Monster keeping the flames of Hell burning Crispy HOT right about now, along with a whole lot more of them that's wasting tax payers money. I always straddle the fence on whether I believe in the death penalty but that's because I believe that there are many innocent people that have unjustly lost their lives to the death penalty and that there are some people on death row that are actually innocent, but the question comes with what if the person unmistakably did the crime.......

When I caught the eye of this killer and looked down at his hands, I couldn't think about anything but how those hands took someone's life and caused so much pain and those eyes seemed blind, uncaring, and oblivious to it all.....
#Justice4AngelaRusso